Together We Will Rise
by Trmptgrl47
Summary: Post Knockout. She'd said to Castle once that she fully expected it to be a bullet that silenced her for eternity but now that she was faced with her predicted scenario, she couldn't have been less prepared.
1. Shock

_**A/N: This is Post-Knockout, Trmptgrl style. There needs to be more feelings, more details. This episode hurt to watch, man. The part where Castle picks her up and runs with her... it cracked my stone heart. **_

_** I know where I want to go with this. I have the first three chapters planned out. It's Kate, Castle, then Alexis. After that, we aregoing to go current and real time until I resolve this. Please let me know if you want to read this and I should continue writing. I do this for me, but I mostly do it for your enjoyment. **_

_**Please review.**_

_**Don't Own Castle, btw.**_

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><p><span>Chapter 1 - Shock<span>

Shock was the only thing she felt at first. She found herself staring at the cloudless blue sky above her and really seeing it for the first time. It was gorgeous and clear. There were a few clouds in the distance but that added to the aesthetic beauty that she was absorbing. She tried to take a breath but the fire in her torso burned white-hot and she got stuck in a gasp. She hoped that she would be able to experience the beauty of the sky again someday, but she was acutely aware that this could be the last time for her eyes to appreciate something as natural as the blue sky.

Honestly, in all of the years of her work and putting herself in danger, she had faced her mortality in her head quite often. She'd said to Castle once that she fully expected it to be a bullet that silenced he3r for eternity but now that she was faced with her predicted scenario, she couldn't have been less prepared. Had you asked her only a few days ago, she would have told you that she was ready to die for the chance at her Mother's murderer. She would have justified her death as dying for the justice of the one that gave her life.

Now, however, lying on the damp grass in her dress blue funeral attire, she wasn't ready. The man in the casket to her right gave his life to make sure she lived and now she owed it to him to try a little harder to maintain living. He gave up the state of his family, the way in which they existed, for her. Even before the hole that was gushing blood in her body, every breath had burned with the guilt of Roy Montgomery's death.

She couldn't believe this was happening. She couldn't believe she was here. Castle leaned over into her vision and she saw his eyes assess her body before traveling to her face and settling there, unblinking.

Tears burned in her eyes, not from the pain, but from the possible repercussions of this moment. Her Father, his Mother, his poor, sweet, innocent daughter had all just witnessed her take a round to her chest. She wanted to go back in time, if only to just make sure Alexis and her Father didn't have to see this.

She stared up at Castle's face as she felt the tear in her right-eye release and drip into her ear while she struggled to breathe. Over the roar of the blood pounding in her head she could make out a few voices: Lanie, Esposito, Ryan before all the background noise faded and all she heard was Castle.

He was pleading with her to stay with him. He was asking her not to give into the fate that was before her. She struggled and jerked as she tried to breathe deep enough to respond. The tear that was clouding her left eye dripped down her face onto the grass as she realized that she couldn't speak to him.

She was thankful that she could keep her eyes focused on him and open. She needed to memorize every part of him; absorb him like she did the sky just seconds ago.

God, she didn't want to be here. It wasn't supposed to be like this. This was unfathomable. Roy Montgomery, her mentor, was dead. He died to protect her and now she was bleeding out next to his casket under Richard Castle's steady gaze. She had a fleeting thought that the whole situation was just too fucked up to comprehend.

Her shock was still in full force until an icy breeze crept through her body. It radiated out from beneath her blood-soaked right glove and touched every limb and inch of her. The chill reached her eyes last, turning the edges of her vision a stormy grey.

She was still staring at Castle and desperately focusing on his baritone voice. He looked about ready to shake out of his own skin. He looked like a man that was completely out of control. He looked like a drowning man looking for a lifesaver. He looked like a man watching his world crumbling around him.

The grey at the edge of her vision turned black and she panicked. She didn't want to go! She didn't want to leave like this… Not in front of her Dad; poor, sweet Alexis; the beautiful soul that was Martha Rogers; her best friend; her boys… her Castle.

He must have seen her start to fade because his mouth unleashed the honesty that they had both been withholding so exhaustingly. He declared his love for her with just earnest; with such passion; that if she wasn't already breathless, she would have gasped.

She wanted to reciprocate. She wanted to yell at him for his shitty timing, but she, herself, was out of time. She did the only thing she could as the darkness swallowed her… she pulled up the corners of her mouth in a small grin and her eyes rolled back in her head against her panicked will. She felt her head lolling to the side and her last thoughts were of survival…and him.

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><p><strong><em>Click it... please?<em>**


	2. Paralysis

**_A/N: I'm really kinda proud of this one and I'm not sure why. I got a couple of reviews for the first chapter and since I had this already written I didn't want to keep you waiting, those of you who are reading. I appreciate the feedback, it makes me write faster. _**

**_So this is Castle, in case you didn't realize it. _**

**_Don't own it. _**

**_Btw, The song that I took the title from is Rise by the 's the song that is used at the end of Knockdown._**

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><p>Chapter 2 – Paralysis<p>

They say that under extreme duress, the body and mind retreat into survival mode; that the adrenaline starts pumping and a person is left with very little memory or recollection of traumatic events, but Richard Castle had always been a little bit backwards.

He was acutely aware of everything around him. He could almost smell each individual blade of grass beneath his palms. He could taste the air in his mouth and he could feel every single hair on his body standing on end.

He watched her eyes slip closed and he had to force himself to breathe so he wouldn't pass out from the waves of despair crashing over him. He was vaguely aware of the ringing in his ears and the absence of all other sound.

For the life of him, he couldn't think of what to do next. He couldn't turn his head nor open his mouth to get help. He couldn't do anything but look at her beautiful face. A wave of thought rushed over him that he should be checking her pulse and breathing, but he couldn't bare it if they weren't there, so he stayed stationary. Another voice was telling him to put pressure on her wound, but he couldn't do that either. He didn't want to cause her more pain and, selfishly, he didn't want to feel her life slipping, literally, through his fingers.

He was still staring, frozen, when he was yanked backwards off of his feet, landing unceremoniously on his ass.

"No!" He cried, but still he couldn't move.

He wanted to crawl back to her, but he lost all control of his limbs. He watched as Lanie and Esposito ripped open her coat. He stared as Lanie leaned over her best friend's body, pumping on her chest, and administering rescue breathing with tears streaming, unchecked, down her cheeks. Esposito had his folded jacket pressed tightly to Beckett's abdomen and was leaning his whole body weight into keeping her blood at bay.

His body lurched involuntarily to the side and he found himself on his hands and knees retching painfully and uncontrollably. He couldn't remember the last time he ate anything so all that came up were painful dry-heaves. He tried to stop. He tried to move, but he was paralyzed; stuck.

A cool, small, hand found his face and lifted his chin in its palm. He found himself staring into the crystal-blue eyes of his daughter. God, he had forgotten she was here. He had a passing thought that he was the worst father in the entire world. Who forgets that his daughter is present when gunshots are heard? Before he could go any further with those thoughts, Alexis focused him.

"Dad, breathe." She commanded, tears in her eyes.

He did as he was told and found he was able to move again. He pushed himself up on his knees and sat back on his heels, looking at his daughter and mother, who had now moved into his line of sight. His mother moved a shaking hand to his cheeks and wiped at the tears there, still furiously falling. He hadn't even realized he was crying.

"Kate." He choked to his mother. "Kate…"

"They're helping her, Dad." Alexis whispered.

He frantically searched around and his gaze settled on Lanie, Esposito, and Jim Beckett, all crouched around Beckett's prone form. He either couldn't or didn't want to acknowledge what her status was. The ringing in his ears were giving way to wailing sirens as he saw two FDNY buses pull onto the grass of the cemetery.

He tried to push himself up on shaking legs but his mother's hands held his shoulders.

"Let me…" he gasped, "Mother, please."

"You need to let them take her, Richard." She commanded, looking directly into his eyes. "She needs a hospital."

He watched as they lifted her onto a stretcher and placed a mask over her face but for the life of him he didn't know what any of that meant. Was she stable? Was she breathing?

"No." He chanted over and over. "She was supposed to be safe!" He yelled. "Kate!" He called after the paramedics.

The trio of Lanie, Esposito and Kate's Dad turned to look at him at his shouts. He lifted himself to his feet, despite his family's demands and made it a few steps before collapsing to his knees, watching the ambulance bay doors close.

He dissolved into sobs as his mother and daughter flanked him on either side, hands trying to soothe and provide comfort.

"Mother, I wasted too much time." He whispered, brokenly. "I don't want the movie to end yet."

"It won't, Richard." She assured. "It can't."

God, did he want to believe her.

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><p><em><strong>Click itttt... Please?<strong>_

_**Alexis soon.**_


	3. Confusion

**_AN: So this is the longest chapter I have ever written. I hope you enjoy it. This is all from Alexis' view of things. We're going to go current with the next chapter and probably just stick with the 3rd person from then on. It depends on what my crazy brain wants to do... it's a scary place._**

**_ Oh, btw, there was a glitch in the last note. The title is from the Frames song - Rise, that was used in Knockdown at the end. I don't know how that got deleted. _**

**_I also want to say that your reviews are AMAZING and I love you all. If I could reply to you all, I would but I think you would want me to be working on the story in my limited free time instead, eh? _**

**_Please keep reviewing, it's like crack for me. _**

**_Don't own it!_**

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><p><strong>Chapter 3 – Confusion<strong>

Alexis Castle didn't know Roy Montgomery all that well. She had met and spoke with him a few times, sure, but she knew him more through her father's words than anything else. She could tell that her father had been quite fond of the man. He spoke about the Captain with respect and reverie. She had never heard a single bad, or even negative, things about the man.

When her father had walked into the loft in the wee hours of the morning two days ago she knew something was terribly wrong. Her immediate thought had been to ask about Detective Beckett but, after a flicker of pain across her father's face, he assured her that Beckett was fine. She knew there was more weight to his "fine" than he was willing to share, so she didn't push him.

He went on to tell her that the beloved Captain Montgomery was killed in action but gave no details or explanations. There was something in her Dad's demeanor- his voice- that had changed as he spoke of the late Roy Montgomery from then on. His voice still held the respect and reverie but the complete admiration that he had once had was diminished. He assured her that she was mistaken – that it was just grief – but she knew better. There was something else; something he wouldn't share and she could always read her father like one of his books. He was an awful liar when it came to her.

Over the next thirty-six hours that followed, Alexis watched her father falter more than he ever had. She would catch him staring at nothing. She would catch him sitting in the darkness of the loft, wide-awake, when he should be sleeping. When she finally did get him to sleep, he woke up screaming Detective Beckett's name and, apologizing profusely. She woke him gently and cuddle with him as he shook. He didn't speak much after his dream, he just held onto her, stroking her hair, assuring her that he was okay; that they all were. She was concerned and confused but she knew he didn't need her asking questions, so, she didn't; she just held him back, telling him that she knew. The next day she woke up to a bright sunny day and extracted herself from her father's embrace to get ready.

Alexis Castle wore black fairly often. She needed to for her violin recitals and orchestra concerts but on occasions like this one, she hated the shade. While the concert black had the purpose of taking the focus off of the performer and emphasizing the music, the black on this day was putting the emphasis on the fact that someone was dead.

She put herself into a black dress and added modest make-up to her face. She descended the stairs and looked down to see her grandmother and father conversing quietly. Her father managed a small smile for her and asked if she was hungry. When she declined to eat, he just nodded, understanding.

"I have a car coming for us." He stated. "They should be downstairs any moment."

They all filed out, Martha leading, her father guiding her with a hand on her back. When they reached the cemetery, it was shocking to see the sea of black and dress-blue police uniforms. They exited the car and her dad suggested that they sit with Lanie and Jim Beckett. He gave her a kiss on her temple as he hugged her to him and he thanked her, again, for being here. She gave him a small smile and nodded towards Detective Beckett, who nodded back, before walking towards the seating area. Her Dad was a pallbearer and was asked to say a few words, being a writer and all.

When she reached her seat and looked across the field, she landed on the forms of Esposito, Ryan, and Beckett talking quietly with her father. She barely recognized Kate Beckett. She was dressed in her police uniform, something Alexis had never seen, and she was carrying herself slightly different. To Alexis, Beckett always looked like an arrow ready to fire. She stood straight and strong and always carried herself as the strong woman that she was. Today, however, Detective Beckett's posture was loose and screamed exhaustion. She almost looked deflated; defeated by what, Alexis couldn't guess, but she was willing to bet her father knew. She watched as the hearse that carried the Captain's body pulled up and she could see Beckett steel up and become the fearless presence that she always personified.

Next to her, Lanie reached out and grabbed her hand. Time kept moving so quickly after she watched the team place the casket down and her brain couldn't quite keep up. She saw Mrs. Montgomery and her children being presented with the flag and she couldn't imagine what they were feeling. She couldn't fathom the emotions that would come with losing her father and she hoped she would never have to.

She glanced over to Detective Beckett and watched as her façade cracked and the woman had to look away from the Montgomery family. Beckett knew all too well what those girls were feeling and Alexis was sure it was like picking at old wounds seeing this.

The service continued on and the eulogies were next. Beckett stepped up to the pulpit first and her father stood off to the detective's right side.

Listening to Beckett's voice speak about her mentor sent a choking burn through Alexis's throat. Tears burned her eyes as she looked on at the detective. Her light blue eyes hurt from the brilliant sunshine but still she stared, transfixed.

She watched a look pass between the detective and her father even though their faces both remained stoic. She then found herself observing her Dad after Beckett broke their eye-contact to continue her eulogy. She saw her Dad's eyes flicker towards something in the distance and watched as his brow furrowed and crinkled in the middle.

He seemed to have a moment of epiphany and his head snapped in Beckett's direction. She was confused as she heard her Father scream for the Detective as a loud bang pierced the air and echoed through the tombstones.

Alexis had been unlucky enough to be looking at Kate's face at the time. She saw the dark-haired woman gasp and flinch before she was pulled down behind the chairs and covered by her grandmother. The last thing she was able to glimpse was her father lunging toward the podium.

People were screaming. Lanie was trying to wrench herself out of her boyfriend's grasp to get to her fallen best friend. Jim Beckett was apparently also being grasped by Martha Rogers because she could hear him trying to get her to let go of his arm. The police officers were scrambling to locate the shooter and Ryan was shouting that Beckett was down and had been hit. It was utter chaos. The problem was, no one knew how bad she was hit.

Alexis didn't know how she knew, but she knew her Dad had not been hurt. Maybe it was because she was pretty sure she saw Kate take the hit, or maybe it was wishful thinking, but she just knew. She needed to get to him, thought, and fast. With Beckett down, she knew that her Dad would be a mess. She had no doubt that her father was completely in love with Katherine Beckett.

Lanie had convinced Esposito to let her go; that she had the medical training Kate needed to survive. They both set out crawling off in the direction of the podium, heads low. She needed to go too, Alexis decided. She needed to be there for her Dad.

Without further adieu, she ripped free of her grandmother, despite protests, and ran in a crouch the short distance to her father's side. She heard both her Gram and Jim Beckett call after her, but she didn't stop moving until she reached her Dad's side.

She watched for a second as he painfully jerked while he was dry-heaving. She had a flashback to falling off the monkey-bars at Central Park as a child. She had the wind completely knocked from her tiny body and she was on her hands and knees trying, desperately, to recover. In a split second, her Dad was in her vision, laying a hand on her tiny chin, forcing her to look into his eyes.

"_Breathe, Alexis."_ He had said, gently. When she did, she felt the world right itself again, instantly.

Alexis grabbed his chin in her palm and repeated his words to him from years before. She saw the clarity return to his eyes, along with something else… _guilt? _

She felt her Gram settle next to her as he gazed at them. Gram moved to wipe the flowing tears from his cheeks. In that moment, she realized that she had never seen her father cry before.

"Kate." He choked. "Kate…"

"They're helping her, Dad." She whispered back.

In all truth, she couldn't bear to look over there. Detective Beckett was as close to a hero and role model as Alexis had ever had. She couldn't watch as her hero proved to be more human than she could have ever possibly imagined.

She watched on as her father broke down and tried to get to his detective; the woman he loved. He begged his mother to let him go to her, but he didn't win. He was yelling her name brokenly and Alexis began to weep. _How could this happen?_

She watched her father collapse on shaking limbs as they took Beckett away and she placed her hands on his arm on shoulder. She wanted to assure him that Kate would be okay, but she couldn't find her voice behind her thick tears.

He spoke to his mother with such despair that her heart broke for her Dad. She took out her cell phone and called for the car to come and get them. Her Dad needed to get to wherever Kate Beckett was and Alexis Castle would make sure of that. As she disconnected, she finally realized the gravity of the situation.

Kate Beckett was shot. Kate Beckett could die… and nothing would ever be the same again.

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><p><em><strong>CLICK ITTTTTTTT... PLEASE!<strong>_


	4. Pain

_**A/N: I had major writer's block, so I'm sorry. I have these scenes in my head that I want to write but I can't seem to get them to connect. Plus, I've been uber busy. Something about having 4 jobs that is a real time-suck.**_

_**So, please let me know what you think about this, I'm a bit nervous about my writing these days and I could use the encouragement.**_

_**Enjoy.**_

_**Don't Own Castle.**_

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><p>Richard Castle vaguely remembers being ushered into a vehicle. His teenage daughter is pulling him places and his mother is aiding by shoving him from behind. He is aware that Lanie and Jim Beckett have joined them in the limo they arrived in, and that Ryan and Esposito have stayed behind.<p>

He stares straight ahead as Lanie converses with the rest of his family and Jim is pensively silent. He thinks of Kate Beckett -tall, stunning, incredibly smart and savvy. He thinks that, in this very moment, he is sitting in a luxurious limo while she rides in an ambulance fighting for her life… He thinks that, in this very moment, she may already have lost that fight; she might be dead. His heart skips a beat, he swears that it has now plummeted to his feet and he gasps.

"Dad?" Alexis questions, as he looks around and sees that all eyes are now on him.

"I'm sorry." He mumbles, looking away, hoping the tears that have collected in his eyes will defy gravity and stay there.

Alexis places a hand on his leg and leans into him. It's meant to be a comforting gesture, he thinks, but he suddenly has the urge to pull away. He doesn't want to have to be comforted. He would give just about anything to wake up in a cold sweat in his bed, panting, fighting off the nightmare that he half believes this is. Instead, he faces his reality and sags against his daughter, dragging a shuddering breath into his lungs.

"She's going to make it, Dad." She says confidently.

"How can you be so sure?" He asks her quietly, staring into her blue eyes.

"I can't." She shrugs. "but it's Kate."

He waits for her to continue with her reasoning but she doesn't. Her statement is so simply and so pure that he wants to laugh. Castle shakes his head and leans it back against the leather seat he is sitting in. He thinks that maybe he should be giving his daughter the speech about how people die in life so she will be prepared, but he can't bring himself to try. A new voice and an ironic chuckle break his reverie.

"You're daughter is right, Rick." Jim states, looking at the younger man. "Katie doesn't let anything get in her way. She doesn't give up. Even when the rest of the world gives up, she keeps fighting."

"It's what makes her extraordinary." Castle whispers.

"What?" Jim questions.

"Nothing…" He shakes his head, remembering the moment in the hospital almost 3 years ago. "Are we almost there?"

"Yes, dear." His Mother replies.

"Good."

When they reach the hospital, they all scramble out of the limo. Jim and Rick are being led inside by Lanie and Martha and Alexis are following close behind. Castle becomes aware that everything hurts. His head is pounding. His chest aches and his body feels foreign to him. Suddenly, he stumbles and trips before walking on.

"Are you all right, Rick?" Jim asks, seeing the younger man stumble.

"Uh, yeah… just sore from the fall, I guess." He answers.

Jim nods and lets him be, but they both know better. His grief is overwhelming him. It's starting to manifest into physical pain and he almost welcomes it. It reminds him that he's alive when the rest of the world seems to be wrong.

It seems that Lanie knows people here in this hospital, because she is greeted immediately. He hears her asking about Kate and the young man she seems to know darts off into an authorized personnel area to find out what is going on.

"We have to wait for news." She says, turning to them. "News is coming though; I went to med school with Dr. Matthews there. He'll take care of us."

Take care of them Dr. Matthews did. He was quick to update them and direct them to a place they could wait. She was, of course, in surgery. The bullet had passed completely through the right side of her body, shattering a rib, collapsing a lung and damaging a kidney before exiting.

Castle paled even further at the news. He collapsed under the weight of the news and slid down the wall beside him. At times people would come and try to get him to sit in a chair, or eat something, or drink coffee and he would politely decline. His daughter seemed to understand the best. She just sat next to him, hand on his knee and whispered that everything would work out, even if she didn't believe it herself.

Twelve hours and a fresh pair of clothes later, he found himself sitting next to a version of Katherine Beckett he had never met. She looked translucent and green and gray and all the awful colors in the world. She had wires and tubes and beeping machines around her and he wanted to scream or throw up.

The doctor assured them that she would make a full recovery barring no further complications in the next 24 hours. All the damage that the bullet had done was fixed, he said. Castle almost laughed at him. It wasn't even close to fixed. Physically, sure, maybe, but this wound was going to last forever; for him, for her; for her father, for Alexis; for the boys; for Lanie; for his mother. This would never go away; this changed everything. They all had to face the possibility of a world without the extraordinary Kate Beckett and they would carry that feeling around forever.

Alexis came to join him a few hours later. He had no idea what time it was or even what day it was. They were sitting in relative silence when a loud beeping filled the room and Kate Beckett started to sputter and choke. Castle jumped up and Alexis ran for the door to get help.

All he could do was stare at the struggling woman and hope that she wasn't dying… again.

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><p>Kate Beckett had never felt a pain like this. When she came to, she had no concept of anything. She couldn't feel her arms or legs; instead she felt the painful tingle of a limb that had "fallen asleep." She went to gasp at the unbearable sensation, but there was something down her throat. She panicked and tried to cough, but she found that nothing cleared the offending object. She tried to reach up and pull it out, but her arms were still unable to function; immovable; concrete.<p>

She was panicking. Her eyes were darting wildly across the ceiling of… wherever she was. The need for oxygen was becoming too much and she let her eyes search the room for help. The sound of a deep voice yelling and a loud frantic beeping overwhelmed her senses. _Where the hell was she? What the hell was going on? Why the HELL did everything hurt?_

Suddenly, she felt her right hand again; someone was clutching it firmly and rubbing smooth circles on the back of it with a calloused thumb. It felt good; it felt calming. Her eyes followed the movement and they landed on blue eyes.

There, next to where she was lying was Richard Castle, looking like complete hell. She tried to make sense of events, both past and present, but the intense pain was disabling her brain. His voice cut through her panicked thoughts.

"Kate!" He all but yelled, "Just relax, can you do that?" She then realized he was just as panicked as she was and it made her even more uncomfortable.

"There's a tube down your throat, Kate. It is helping you breathe. I know it hurts, but you need it, and you need to stop fighting it." He spoke in even tones, as if to a child. "Alexis went to get a doctor. They'll be back soon."

He leaned forward and stroked the side of her face as she gave into the rhythmic pumping of the machine. He looked terrified, she thought. _What happened to her that would scare him so much?_

"God is good to see your eyes." He whispered. _Was he… Crying?_

"Kate, after this, I'm not sure I'm ever going to be able to let you out of my sight ever again." He admitted with a small smirk.

Before she could think about his statement any further, a scrub-clad doctor and nurse marched into the room followed by a paler-than-normal Alexis Castle.

"Detective Beckett," the doctor greeted, "I'm going to give you something for the pain. It's going to put you back out, but when you wake up, this tube will be gone."

Her eyes followed the nurse as she moved to the IV that was still attached to her tingling limb and inserted a needle into the line. She felt the tingling fade to numbness as the medicine took hold. She tried to find Castle but her eyes slipped closed once again, dissolving into darkness.

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><p><em><strong>Click it... ?<strong>_


	5. Waking

**_A/N: I'm sorry this took soooo long. I can't seem to find the time to write as fast as I want to. I have a very clear idea of what I want to happen here, I just need to put it on paper. So, Let me know what you think, please? It really does help me write faster. _**

**_Don't own 'em  
><em>**

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><p>The next time Kate Beckett woke up, it wasn't at all how Richard Castle had imagined it. It wasn't like he would have written it in his books. It wasn't like the movies or a primetime television show. She didn't look over at him and smile a weak-smile. She didn't croak out any witty comments about how close she had come to death. He didn't know what he expected, but this wasn't it.<p>

When she woke up the second time the breathing tube was out, true to the doctor's word. However, what Castle didn't realize was that, while breathing on her own was a fantastic improving, the act of breathing itself was going to be difficult for her… and exceptionally painful.

Kate woke up at 3 A.M., gasping. Castle shot from his chair to calm her but her body simply couldn't handle the stress and pain from her chest. It felt as if she was breathing white-hot fire instead of air.

"Kate," Castle cooed, brushing tears from her cheeks, "You're okay. You're going to be fine."

She wanted to respond to him but the pain left her helpless and silent. She was alternating between squeezing her eyes shut and grasping the scratchy hospital bed linens, and trying to focus on her face above her.

Tears of pain were blurring her vision and leaking from her eyes faster than Castle could clear them away. He didn't know what to do. Tears gathered in his eyes and his throat felt as if it were closing. He reached for the call button as the machines and monitors began to increase their pitch and tempo, reaching a frantic pace. He repeatedly slammed down on the unhelpful button as he placed a hand on her forehead in a futile attempt to calm her.

"Kate, please." He choked out. "Just breathe. They're coming with medicine that will help you. I know it hurts. I know."

He repeated what he hoped were reassuring words until, what felt like an eternity later, a nurse tore him away from the bedrail and fiddled with her IV. He watched Kate struggle until the medicine took hold and she finally relaxed and fell unconscious once more. His body collapsed into his chair and he sagged in relief and defeat. He tried to fight the urge to do so, but he leaned forward and let out a few sobs into his hands.

"Mr. Castle," the nameless nurse soothed, "She's going to be okay; the pain is normal with this kind of injury and surgery. The doctor will probably set her up with a morphine pump tomorrow and she'll be able to manage the pain herself." She put a hand on his shoulder and he looked up at her. "Do you want me to call someone to come and sit with you?"

"No." He squeaked. "Thank you for taking care of her."

The nurse nodded, frowned and took her leave from the hospital room. As he sat parallel in a chair with his feet propped up, his left hand joined with her right, he couldn't help but wish he could magically take her place. Her pain was his pain and he would give anything to make it go away.

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><p>The third time she woke was 14 hours later. Her father had run to grab dinner for them when Castle refused to leave for, what seemed like, the hundredth time. The doctor did, in fact, set up a morphine pump and was weaning her off of the stronger pain medication so she would regain consciousness.<p>

Castle was writing on a legal pad with a mechanical pencil. He didn't dare write about Nikki Heat; not when the woman that was her inspiration was fighting for her life. He stuck to nonsensical short-stories that kept his mind from leaving him completely and creating a world where worst-case-scenarios raged. He heard her groan painfully and dropped the writing implements unceremoniously to the floor.

"Kate?"

"Hmmph…." She groaned and rolled her head a bit.

"Okay… ummm… Okay." He looked around and pressed the call-button. "Are you in pain?" he asked.

She didn't open her eyes or speak to him, but squeezed her eyes tighter in a cringe and gave two small nods.

"Okay. I'm going to tap your morphine pump a bit, okay?" He received two more nods and did what he promised.

A hiss and a small puff of air crossed her lips. She turned her head towards the direction of his voice and peeled her eyes open to look at him.

"Cas-tle." She managed to force through dry, cracked lips. "Water?" she rasped, her green eyes begging him.

"Honestly, Kate, I don't know if you can have it yet." He apologized. He would have given her the moon if she asked for it, but he didn't want to risk hurting her system further.

She frowned in displeasure at him, but accepted it nonetheless. She was still in a considerable amount of pain despite the morphine and she looked towards the IV as a form of non-verbal communication. Castle got the hint, but his brow furrowed even further.

"The doctor is coming, Kate." He said in another apology, "He wants to see you awake. I'm sorry. I know if must be excruciating, but they need you awake. I can't give you any more medicine. I'm so sorry."

She nodded at him again and tried to communicate to him that she knew it wasn't his fault and she understood. The fog in her brain was burning off slightly as she looked up at him. His normally handsome face was almost foreign to her. He had, what looked to be, a few days growth on his face and his eyes were so red he looked ill. His skin was a pale and drawn. She even thought that he looked slightly slimmer than he had the last time she saw him. _When was that? _

She was used to him staring at her but the way his eyes bore into hers was different. He was looking at her like she was disappearing. He was looking at her like a man in the desert looking at a glass of water. It scared her. _How bad was this? Was she going to die?_

Before she could at least attempt to ask any questions, a doctor entered and ushered Castle out. He tried to protest but the man insisted that he needed to examine the wound and test her faculties. Castle backed away from the hospital bed reluctantly and promised her he would return as soon as he could. She wanted to ask if he could stay but she saved her breath. She knew the protocol. She watched Castle go and, when he was out of sight, she turned her attention back to the doctor before her.

* * *

><p>Castle sat outside her room in the hallway bouncing his leg up and down uncontrollably. He really didn't want to let her out of his sight. He met Jim Beckett's gaze as the older man strode down the hallway. Castle stood to greet him.<p>

"What's happening?" Jim asked, his tone frantic.

"It's okay… She's okay." Castle replied. "She's awake; the doctor is with her now. He wouldn't let me stay."

"Good…" Jim sighed. "That's good right?"

Castle nodded back at the older man even though he had no clue. They both sat in silence; the takeout Jim had retrieved growing cold and forgotten beside them. A few minutes later, the door opened and Dr. Owens strode out.

"Everything seems to be developing as it should." He told them. "I'll be back in a few hours to see her again. Just try to keep her calm and immobile. She's going to be in pain for a while."

The men nodded and shook the doctor's hand. They shared a glance before looking toward the door. Jim made his move first and Castle followed. Castle just couldn't get used to seeing her in the hospital bed even though he'd been staring at her since he was allowed in the room. She was gray and her skin shown with pain-induced perspiration. This wasn't Kate Beckett. This was something else entirely. This was wrong and fucked up.

"Katie…" Jim choked, rushing to his daughter's side. "Oh, Katie."

"Dad…" She smiled slightly. "I'm sorry. I'm… I'm going to be fine, I promise."

Jim nodded and brushed a tear from his eye. Castle felt like an intruder standing there but Jim motioned for him to come over. The bond that the two men had formed over the grief they were staring was unspoken but palpable to both of them. Castle moved to her side and gripped her hand, but dared not to speak.

"Ice, Castle?" She asked. "Doc said it was okay."

He reached over to the small ugly-pink container and retrieved some chips for her. He slid them into his palm and placed them at her mouth. She accepted them greedily and sighed at the cool sensation.

"Thanks."

Castle made a small noise in his throat and nodded. He wasn't sure he was strong enough for this; to watch her reduced to this person he didn't know. He blinked furiously at the burning behind his eyes and steeled up. She was looking at him; reading his tells, like he knew she was a pro at. She reached for his hand and he moved to take hers. She squeezed his fingers as much as she could and he nearly lost it. Here she was attempting to comfort him, when a bullet had just passed through her chest just days before. His mind kicked into to overdrive. He didn't know if he was strong enough, but he sure as hell was going to try to be strong enough. He was going to be by her side as long as she would let him. He could see her starting to fade, and so could her father.

"Katie, you need to rest."

"but…" she tried, and Castle finally found his voice.

"No, Kate." He commanded. "We'll both be here when you wake up again. Rest now…"

She nodded and glanced at them both once more before closing her eyes. Almost immediately she was asleep. Castle and Jim looked at one another before looking back to her face.

"I need to…" Castle's voice cracked painfully and he cleared it before he continued. "I need to call everyone…. Let them know… You'll be okay?"

"Yeah, Rick." Jim half-smiled, "You should go home, son. Take a shower, sleep a little. She's worried about you, I can see it."

"I… I don't know if I can leave her yet." Castle said, embarrassed, but Jim didn't judge him, he just nodded.

"Just have that sweet daughter of yours bring you some stuff."

"Will do." Castle smiled at Jim's affection toward Alexis. The two had hit it off in the past few days. Alexis went out of her way to comfort the older man, whether intentionally or not.

Castle took one last long look at Kate before forcing himself to move from her room. He needed to let everyone know what was happening. They would be relieved to hear the news.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Click it?<strong>_


	6. Confessions

**_AN: WHOA. This is a long chapter. I just couldn't end it anywhere else but where I did. Ok, I hope you enjoy. I also hope that you drop me a line to say you loved it or hated it. Thanks to all who reviewed the last chapter. _**

**_This is for you: Daniyell37, WriterMonkey0626, AALiz, _** **Amybf19, BeetleBug, Morethanamuse, Darcy Foster, gloriajv, HCCG, MillionMoments, Reader1701, I'm Widget, Anna10nyc, eyrianone**

**Chapter 6: Confessions**

Richard Castle stood in a field of gravestones for the second time in one week. Getting here had been a blur. He was ushered in and out of town cars. He was being spoken to as if any moment he would shatter. He hated being pitied and looked at as fragile, but it was probably true… He was just about ready to break.

The sound of the drum procession made him flinch every time a stick struck the drum head. The popping sounds of the marching snares were bringing him back to the loud bangs that took two of his friends away. Well, one was a friend… the other… was extraordinary. The other was his love.

Someone's throat cleared… it was his turn to speak. He almost didn't want to. He wanted to run away, but he would do this for her. He stepped up to the podium and looked out into the vast crowd. Jim Beckett, holding a folded flag and looking like his insides had been torn out; his own daughter sobbing on his Mother who was failing to contain her own tears; Lanie, Esposito, Ryan, the entire Twelfth Precinct; other precincts. He guesses that he shouldn't be surprised. She is… was legendary. She was the best and everyone knew it.

There are people he's only met a few times: Madison, Josh, Demming, Will Sorenson. There are, what he assumes, are extended family; friends; and then he realizes how many other people there are. There are some people he recognizes from cases. They are families that she had given closure. There are reformed criminals that she had treated with respect. There are fans of Nikki Heat, paying respects to the person behind the character. He feels like throwing up as he clears his throat to speak but if he can give her nothing else, he can give her words.

"There is too much to say about her." He begins, looking down at his hands. "She was a hundred marvelous people rolled into one. She was Katherine Beckett; Detective Beckett to most; a tough, hard cop- that always got her collar. She was Kate Beckett, the most compassionate person that was ever created. She treated everyone with the care and respect that they deserved." His throat felt thick and he needed to look away for a moment."To the select few, she was Kate – or Katie. She was a best friend, a partner, a confident, and the most extraordinary person you'll ever meet."

"Kate didn't have the easiest life, but she was always there to make it easier for the rest of us." Castle could feel the anger creeping up and his speech went out the window.

"I… I can't... I can't do this… to be here… To be giving Kate Beckett's eulogy is just fucking wrong." He heard the crowd gasp. "She should have outlasted all of us. She should still be here. We're not ready for her to go… I'm not ready. Life will never be the same without Kate Beckett."

He left the podium and walked to the mahogany casket before him. He heard the crowd murmuring and heard the voices of his daughter and mother calling for him. Castle placed his hand over the spot where her heart would have been under the wood.

"I'm so sorry, Kate." He sobbed. "I should have saved you. I should have been stronger for you. I should have never opened your Mom's case. I did this to you. I'm responsible… I killed you." He was nearly yelling now. "I'm so sorry Kate! I'm so, so, sorry... I loved you… I love you."

He collapsed to his knees beside the wooden box and cried, repeating his love in a whisper. He could feel a hand on his shoulder.

"Castle?" He looked up into the eyes of his daughter.

"What… what did you just call me?"

"Castle! Wake up, Rick!" Alexis said, her voice not her own.

* * *

><p>Kate Beckett had opened her eyes slowly in the darkness of her hospital room. She had been sleeping on and off for nearly five days; bringing the grand total of days in "lockup" to eight. Her father came by every day and sat with her. He would watch television or talk to her. She had seen almost everyone since she'd been stuck in this bed. Her friends from the Twelfth always checked in at least once a day and Lanie came by and harassed her doctor about her progress before sitting by her side talking about everything and nothing.<p>

Castle, however, hardly ever left. She had been very much out of it the first night she was conscious when Castle sat next to her asking how to get in touch with Josh. He said that they all had tried to call him with the numbers stored in her phone but they couldn't get through. He asked what hospital he worked at so they could call there directly and was stunned when she replied that he no longer worked at one.

"_I don't understand, Kate." He said gently, as if this were some side-effect of the medication. "We need to tell him what happened so he can be here with you."_

"_He was never here." She slurred and panted, drugged. Castle's confused frown deepened as he stared at her and she could see that she needed to make this as clear as her brain could muster. _

"_He's in Haiti." She told him. "Permanently. I'm not what he wanted anymore."_

_She caught the look of anger that crossed Castle's face as he drew patterns on the back of her hand with his thumb. When he looked up at her again, he was a picture of determination._

"_Sleep, Kate." He said, "I'm here… and we'll do this together."_

Since then, Castle had been attached to her side almost continuously. She would have said that she didn't like the company, but the lightness he brought to a room kept her from drowning in the pain and darkness that had crept back into her life.

She didn't let him stay for any of the gruesome things, much to his dismay. She didn't want him to see any dressing being changed or tubes being removed and he respected her wishes. He insisted with fervor to stay for everything else and she let him, reluctantly. He stayed with her, clutching her hand, as they forced her to cough through a recently-repaired lung and a broken ribcage, to rid her body of anesthesia. He stayed during physical therapy anguish and wove stories out of thin air to help her distance herself from the pain of healing muscle spasms and helped lull her to sleep with his baritone voice. He was there when she woke up mid-afternoon yelling Roy Montgomery's name, and did his best to calm and comfort her through painful tears.

Granted, normally, she would never let anyone care for her this way, but Castle wasn't stifling her. He wasn't pushing her to talk. He wasn't asking her if she was all right every five seconds. He was just by her side if she needed him. He helped her to the bathroom, but didn't make her feel like an invalid. He made sure she ate. but didn't force her to finish it all. She liked having him there. She enjoyed his company. He made her feel almost normal and she was exceptionally thankful for that.

But Kate Beckett wasn't stupid. She could tell that Castle was being strong for her, and it was taking its toll on him. He still didn't look like himself. He was trying very hard to cover up the fact that he wasn't sleeping or eating as well as he should have been, but at least he was showering and shaving again. When she first woke up, he either hadn't bothered or he was afraid that she would disappear in the time it took to do those things. She knew it was the latter.

So, that night, she had sent him home to get some real sleep, in a real bed, and see his real family. He protested but she fought him on it. If it hadn't been for the heart monitor alerting the nurse that she was getting agitated, he might not have left. He finally agreed after she told him that she wouldn't sleep until he went home. He was pissed, she could tell, but she needed him to take care of himself, too. He nodded and kissed her on the forehead before turning and leaving, not looking back. She was taken aback by the display of affection as she watched him leave. She waited a few minutes and then drifted off.

Which is why, when she opened her eyes in the middle of the night, she was surprised to find him sprawled out on the cot that he charmed and bribed, she suspected, one of the nurses to bring him. He was mumbling in coherently and moaning as if in pain. She blinked a few times at the sight, not sure if what she was seeing was real. When she saw tears leak from his eyes onto the pillow he was laying on, she spoke his name.

"Castle?" she croaked, clearing her throat. She couldn't speak much louder because of the lack of air her right lung refused to hold.

When he didn't even move and seemingly fell deeper into his dream, she tried his name again to no avail. She could see his face in the pale light from the window and hallway and it was screwed up in anguish, tears still streaming. She looked around for a way to get out of bed but she was tangled in monitor wires, IV tubing, and oxygen lines. She thought about pressing the call button, or disconnecting a heart lead to trigger an alarm-clock-like noise, but she didn't want to terrify him. She heard her own name pass through his lips and she did the only thing she could do, she took a deeper breath than she should have, and called out to him again.

"Castle! Wake up, Rick!"

* * *

><p>When his eyes flew open, he was startled by the darkness. A second ago, he was bathed in brilliant sunshine and suddenly, he was lying on his back looking up at a stark white ceiling and the insides of his ears were wet.<p>

"Castle?"

His head turned toward the voice and he sat up quickly… too quickly, when the room started to spin. He spotted her lying across the room in the hospital bed and the present rushed back to him. He couldn't fall asleep at home, so he came back here and snuck in when she was sleeping. It had all been a dream. Kate Beckett was alive and staying that way.

He began to breathe faster and his eyes tingled. He was going to lose it, he could feel it.

"Rick?" she questioned. "Whatever it was, it was just a dream. Everything's okay."

He got up from his cot, lowered the rail on her bed and took a seat on the edge next to her, having yet to speak. Her eyes were following all of his movements meticulously and her brow was creased with worry.

"What do you remember about getting shot?" He asked in a low, rough whisper.

"Castle… I don't understand." She tipped her head to the side.

"Tell me. What. You. Remember." He commanded.

His gaze was intense and she was crumbling under his scrutiny, so she told him.

"I remember giving the eulogy. I remember you calling my name and feeling an unbearable pain. I remember you grabbing me and pulling me to the ground, but after that it's just fuzzy. It was like everything was in slow motion." She said, simply. "Why are you asking me this, Rick?"

He leaned forward and grabbed her face gently in his palms, careful not to pull the oxygen line out of her nose.

"I can't lose you." He said simply, staring into her emerald eyes. "I can't lose you. I can't be without you."

Kate's eyes grew wide as she looked at him. It was a lot for her to digest from him.

"Castle, you just had a bad dream. That's all it was… a dream."

"No, Kate." He shook his head. "It was almost a reality. You were dead and we were burying you… but you're not dead."

"No, I'm not."

"Which is why I need to tell you." He smiled slightly. "I know this is a lot right now but I can't pretend anymore." He paused, rubbing his thumb across her cheek.

"What are you talking about, Castle?"

"I love you, Kate." He stated, smiling. "I've known it for a while now but I haven't had the guts to tell you. I didn't want to screw anything up. I didn't want you to run from me, but I can't keep it to myself anymore. I needed you to know that."

"Castle…" She started.

"No!" He cut her off. "I don't want you to say anything."

"but…"

"No, Kate." He shook his head "I just needed to say it. I needed you to hear it. I said it to you while you were dying, but that's not when it counts. It counts while you're living. so I'm saying it now. I don't want you to feel pressured by it, or feel the need to respond. So, just don't say anything."

He placed a kiss on her head again and released his grip on her face. He pulled the bed rail up and walked to his cot and sat down.

Kate was stunned. She was speechless and she was sure her mouth was hanging open.

"You should go back to sleep, Kate." He said, still looking at her.

"Right, like I could do that now." She said bitterly.

He chuckled in the darkness and lay down to stare at the ceiling. The silence filled the room with heavy air before she broke it.

"Tell me a story, Castle."

He smiled in the darkness. She hadn't kicked him out. She hadn't yelled at him. She hadn't denied him. He took a breath and started to talk.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Clickkkkk it?<strong>_


	7. Truth

_** Special thanks to all who reviewed the last chapter! I would list you all but I'm at work and I'm about to get caught. HA!AN: Well, folks, this one came out of nowhere. I sat down and intended to write one thing and it came out completely different. I hope you enjoy it.**_

* * *

><p>Kate Beckett was dazed, both literally and figuratively. She was still attached to a morphine pump which she tried very hard not to use; but found it impossible to avoid completely. The pain in her chest still radiated out in waves from the site of the wound. She would reach the end of her medication cycle and literally be forced to push the small button that controlled her medicine. Every time, she would try and fight the need to get rid of the pain with the strong cocktail. Every time, her blood pressure rose and her heart rate sped up to a level that the doctors and nurses deemed "unsafe." So, she was dazed by the medicine that they kept her on. It made her feel "floaty" and "cloudy." It made her feel like she had no control over her mind and body and she hated that.<p>

The other reason she was dazed was from Castle's confession the previous night. He loved her. So many people had told her that he loved her over the course of their relationship that she knew it before he had admitted it himself. She was a detective; of course she knew but she didn't want to face it. Castle was right; she was scared of being happy. Happiness had always ended in tragedy for her and she was afraid that this would be no different. However, lying in a hospital bed after almost dying all doped up, she found that she had a hard time fighting the obvious: She loved Richard Castle back.

She was propped up against a few pillows dozing in and out of sleep. The orderlies had her out of bed and walking a bit and it had left her exhausted and hurting. Castle tried to keep the mood light as she shuffled down the hallway and back uneasily, but she could see that it hurt him to see her struggling; it hurt her too. She was used to being nearly invincible, but now she was nearly incapacitated. She knew she was lucky to be alive, that everything would eventually heal and she would be the unstoppable force she was only two weeks prior, but it was a long road to that future point.

Kate woke up to the sounds of Temptation Lane playing on the small television in the corner. Watching absentmindedly was Alexis Castle. Alexis had been by once before, that Beckett remembered, but she it was just after she woke up to deliver some sustenance to her father. Frankly, Kate didn't remember even talking to the girl, if she did at all; she'd squeezed the red-head's hand and gave her a small smile before losing consciousness again. She hated that Alexis had been in the cemetery that day. She hated that the young girl had been witness to her near-death. She hated that she had been the one to take away the innocence that Alexis had always radiated.

"Alexis?" Kate asked, looking around the room for any more of the Castles.

"It's just me here." Alexis clarified. "I sent Dad home to get some sleep and clean himself up. I'm sure you were just as tired as I was of seeing him grow that patchy beard. I assured I'd call if anything came up."

"Thank You, Lex." Kate croaked through a pain-killer induced dry throat. "I've been trying to get him to spend time at home for days."

"I know." She stated, moving to a chair next to Kate's bed. "I'm sorry I haven't been by." She said guiltily, looking at her hands.

"I understand." Kate replied, "You don't need to worry about that, Alexis… What you saw… Well, I'm sorry, too."

Alexis reached over and poured a cup of water from the pitcher next to her. She placed a straw in the cup before bringing it to the detective's lips. Kate hesitated for a second before drinking.

"Thank You." Kate smiled as Alexis placed the cup back down.

"You know it's ridiculous, right?" Alexis asked

"What is?"

"Apologizing for getting shot." The young girl stated matter-of-factly. "Nothing about what happened in that cemetery was your fault."

"That's not true." Kate shook her head. "Your Dad asked me to walk away. He knew - we both knew-this was a possibility."

Beckett didn't know what was coming over her. She shouldn't be discussing this with Castle's daughter. Alexis wasn't someone that she wanted to see her dark-side, but the girl's pleading eyes coupled with the medication was making her loose-lipped.

"You… you knew that you were going to get shot?" Alexis asked, dumb-founded.

"No!" Beckett defended, "I mean, I didn't know this was going to happen. I thought it was over after… what happened."

"I don't understand."

"Alexis, this is a hard thing to explain." Kate sighed. "It's been just me for so long that I wasn't thinking about other people. I thought I was ready to die for a chance at catching the person responsible for killing my mother. I tried to go after some pretty dangerous people."

"You were ready to…" Alexis looked at Kate incredulously. "How could you even consider that?"

"Alexis, I never said it was rational."

"Do you know how many people…? Did you even _think_ about any of us?" Alexis raged, tears filling her eyes. "My Dad, he was a wreck. He still _is _a wreck. Lanie, the boys, your Dad_, _Gram, _ME?_"

"Alexis, I'm sorry." Kate closed her eyes. "I was foolish. I didn't think…"

"No, Detective Beckett, you _didn't _think."

Kate found herself breaking her gaze under the red-head's fiery glare. She felt thoroughly put in her place. She was foolish and it nearly got her killed. It was bad enough that she had to silently blame herself for Montgomery's death, now she had the guilt of inflicting pain on her friends.

"Kate?" Alexis asked, leaning over and grabbing one of her hands and grasping it tightly.

"Yeah?" Kate looked back up, surprised at the gesture.

"I'm really glad you're okay." She smiled. "I don't know what my Dad would have done without you… what any of us would have done. I saw you get shot and it was awful. I can't stop seeing it." Alexis admitted. "That's why I haven't been here. When I looked at you the first time I came in, all I could see was you lying on the grass."

"Oh, Alexis." Kate lamented, "I'm so sorry. I would give anything so that you didn't have to witness that."

"It's not that." Alexis replied. "You're more than just someone my Dad follows around for work. You're more than just a cop. You're part of our family now, Kate, and when you were lying there…"

"Alexis…" Kate whispered as the girl trailed off, "I'm not going anywhere."

"How can you be so sure?"

Kate thought for a minute before she gave Alexis an answer. She wouldn't lie to her. The pain was creeping back into her chest and radiating out. She knew that she didn't have much time until the nurses were on her for not using her medicine regularly, but she needed to assuage Alexis's fears.

"Listen, I'm not going to quit my job." She said. "It's dangerous but usually I'm careful. I said before that I thought I was ready to die for a chance to get my mother's killer, but I was so very wrong. Don't take that the wrong way, I still want to find the person responsible, but the last thing that my mother would have wanted was for me to give up my present and future for my past."

Alexis smiled through tear-filled eyes at the detective. She knew what Kate was saying. She was saying that the Castles were part of that future that she spoke of. Before she could say anything else, a machine to her right started beeping furiously.

"Kate?" Alexis asked, panicked.

"It's okay. It's nothing, I'm just late on my medicine and my blood-pressure is going up." Kate soothed, reaching for the control of the morphine pump.

"You're in pain?" Alexis asked, handing her the device.

Before Kate could answer, a grumpy looking nurse entered the room.

"Detective Beckett…. Still being stubborn, I see?"

Kate smiled at her, "No, just got lost in a conversation. Don't worry, I just pressed it, I should be drugged into submission in no time."

"Good, just the way us nurses like it." The older nurse winked at the two women and turned to leave the room. "Oh, remember that you have physical therapy in an hour."

"Joy." Kate dead-panned watching the chuckling nurse exit and turning back to the youngest Castle beside her.

Beckett studied the young girl before her. Alexis was chewing on her thumbnail and looking at her with wide-blue eyes. It seemed as if the girl had aged at least ten years since the last time she had seen her. Kate knew that it was her fault and she hated herself for it.

"Alexis, what's wrong?"

"Are you in a lot of pain, Kate?" She asked, shyly.

"That's a pretty loaded question, Lex." Beckett laughed humorlessly. "Physically? Yes, it hurts but the morphine helps with that. Emotionally? Mentally? I'm in agony thinking of all the people that have suffered in the last few days because of me. I'm in complete shock that the Captain is gone and someone deliberately planned on killing me. So, yeah, the pain is definitely there."

"Yeah." Alexis confirmed, a heavy frown upon her face. "Thank you for not lying to me. I'm not as much of a child as some people think."

"I wish you were, Alexis." Kate stated. "You don't deserve to know this side of life yet."

"Neither did you when you were my age."

"Very true." Beckett laughed. "What's say you and I watch some Temptation Lane before they come to torture me again?"

"I'd like that." Alexis smiled and turned the volume up on the television. They sat in a brief comfortable silence before Alexis interrupted. "Are you talking about the Physical Therapy people or my Dad?"

Beckett laughed at the young girl's wit and cringed a little bit at the action, clutching a hand to her wound for stability.

"Both, Alexis… Definitely both."


	8. Recovery

**_AN: Oh Man Guys, I am sooooo so sorry. My real life has been so filled with Weddings and working and real-job hunting that I just did not get a chance to sit down and write this until now. I hope I haven't lost you guys. The scene that made me start writing this is coming up and I can't wait to get it on paper. It'll probably be in the next chapter. _**

**_I hope you'll drop me a line or a review to let me know if you're still reading. I love you guys, I hope that my lack of update didn't drive you off. Thanks!_**

"NO, Dad."

"Katie, I'm not going to argue with you on this." Jim Beckett stated firmly, "Unless you have another option that I approve of, I'm not taking no for an answer."

"Dad, you are not leaving your job to stay with me for a month. You love your job." Kate replied vehemently

Beckett had been in the hospital for nearly two weeks and the staff and her doctors were now discussing her future release. As she feared, her release was contingent upon the presence of someone with her at all times. If she didn't comply, she would be filtered into a rehabilitation center and she certainly did not want that.

She had hoped that she could just tell a small white lie to the hospital's legal department and had have her friends and father check in on her every once in a while, like they had been; her father wasn't hearing of it in the least.

"Katherine Beckett, don't be stupid about this." He nearly shouted, "You're recovering from a bullet wound in your chest! Not to mention that it was put there by a man they still have yet to find."

"Dad," she sighed, preparing to diffuse his anger.

"Don't "Dad" me, Katherine." He growled through clenched teeth.

"Hey!" Castle bounced through the door to her room. He stopped dead in his tracks when he sensed the tension between the father and daughter.

"Whoaa.. Umm… I brought bagels now that you can eat, but, I can come back." He stuttered, gesturing to the door.

"No, come in, Rick" "Yes, that would be best Castle." Bothe Becketts spoke at the same time.

"O—kay." Castle said, looking between the two.

"Sit down, Rick." Jim commanded.

Though Castle never really had a consistent father-figure in his life, he still recognized that there was no room for discussion in the man's tone; so he did as he was told. He now knew where the younger Beckett got her scariness from. He placed the brown bag on the table next to her bed and sat, waiting for someone to start speaking. It was Jim.

"So, Katie here was just telling me that she wants to lie to the hospital staff."

Castle's brow furrowed and studied Kate's face.

"About what?" He asked, still looking at her. She had thrown up her stubborn poker face.

"To release her, they are requiring that someone stay with her at all times." Jim explained, when his daughter wouldn't.

"Makes sense." Castle replied, still not getting it. "So, what's the problem?"

"Katie wants to go back to her apartment alone." Jim replied, glaring at his daughter.

"What?" Castle exclaimed, "You can't be serious. Kate that has bad idea written all over it! I mean, you're recovering and… and your building doesn't even have a doorman."

"Not everyone has your salary, Castle." She shot back, now on the two-on-one defensive.

"That's not what I mean and you know it." Castle clipped, frustrated with her attempt at deflection.

"Enlighten me, Castle."

"Fine!" He snapped, "You're better, yes, but you're not strong enough to be on your own."

"You don't know what you're talking about, Castle." She glared at him.

"Don't know what I'm talking about?" Castle huffed, "I'm here nearly 24/7, helping you, watching you, watching them change your bandages and force you out of that bed; of course I know what I'm talking about!"

"No one asked you to be here, _Rick_." She spat his name out so hard it sounded almost like a curse.

Beckett watched as Castle's face crumbled. His anger immediately melted into an expression of hurt and he slumped slightly with a large sigh. When she remembered her father was there she looked at him and saw him looking disappointedly at her, shaking his head. She felt like a child again, being scolded by her old man.

"Castle—"

"No, you listen to me." He cut her off with a sharp look. "I'm not going to let you get hurt any further. It's been two weeks, Kate… _Two Weeks. _Do you feel better? Are you moving around better? Sure you are, but you nearly _died,_ Kate. Sure, operating at 20% is better than the 1% you were when you came in here, but it's not enough." He said, her own words just days ago being thrown back at her. "It's not enough for your Dad and it's not enough for me. So stop, just stop claiming you're fine."

"Look, Castle, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have—"Kate apologized, her eyes focusing on her lap.

"I don't want you to be sorry; I want you to quit being so goddamn stubborn and face the fact that you are going to have to lean on the people that lo—care about you in order to ensure that you recover fully."

Both Becketts sat slack-jawed looking at him. He leaned back in his chair, slightly out of breath, and tried to calm himself. While the exhaustion and stress seemed to finally cause him to snap a bit, if he wasn't careful, he would let out much more than he intended.

"Wow." Kate breathed as her eyebrows arched. "Okay, Castle. You win."

"Okay? I, what?"

"Okay, you win." She nodded. "but I'm still not letting my Dad leave his job. I'll hire a nurse or something for during the day, and we'll figure out the night, maybe Dad and Lanie can switch off… at least until I get the all clear."

"Stay with me." He blurted out.

"What?" Kate asked, surprised. Her mind flashing back to the cemetery

_Stay with me, Kate…. I Love You, Kate._ The memory that was previously fuzzy became clear in an instant; studying his handsome face as he watched her dying. She saw the similarities in his expression now. The caring gaze and the underlying panic as he spoke up again made her eyes widen and blink furiously.

"I want you to stay with me at the loft, Beckett." He spoke as he straightened out in his chair. He was trying to be assertive but he still sounded like her felt; afraid of her answer.

"That's not a bad idea, Katie." Her father replied, looking at her.

Her head snapped around to look at her father. There she was again, forgetting there was more people than just Castle and herself in the room. She looked back at Castle with a blank expression. Her head was screaming at her to say no; her heart was screaming at her to say yes; and the bullet wound in her chest was screaming for relief.

"Castle—I don't know if…"

"Please, Kate." He pleaded. "Please let me do this. I'll make a key for your Dad and Lanie. I have a security team in my building, a doorman, a gym and a pool where you can do rehab, and an extra bedroom. You wouldn't have to even see me if you didn't want to."

"I-." She stuttered.

"Please."

"Okay, Castle." She sighed. "but just until I'm cleared. Just until I'm allowed to be on my own and you need to talk to Martha and Alexis first."

"They'll be fine with it and just until you're cleared… Scout's Honor." He smiled, lighting up his face and Jim's.

"You were never a Scout, Castle."

He smiled back at her a more brilliant smile that made the corners of his eyes crinkle. His face brightened and he relaxed in his chair. Castle was filled with relief. Beckett was wondering what the hell she just agreed to

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><p><em><strong>Click itttt, you know you want to. That button is so lonely down there.<strong>_


	9. Falling

**_AN: So sorry for the delay folks but I do have a reason. Let's just say that breaking one's dominant thumb is not conducive to being able to write or type very well. Anyhow, I do hope that you're still interested in my little fic and that you will continue to drop some feedback so I can make it better. Without any further ado, on with it. _**

**_Don't own 'em._**

**_Chapter 9: Falling_**

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><p>"Rick, can I have word?" Jim Beckett asked, following the younger man out of his daughter's hospital room. She was being given a final exam before being released from the hospital.<p>

"Absolutely. Is everything thing ok with Kate?" Castle responded.

Castle followed the older man to a set of chairs in a deserted waiting area. Jim motioned for him to sit and they faced one another.

"How are you doing, Rick?" Jim asked.

Castle was taken aback. He expected a "what are you intentions toward my daughter" speech or maybe even a "trying anything funny while she's staying with you and I'll break your kneecaps" talk. The last thing he expected was for Jim to ask about his well-being.

"I'm fine, sir." Castle replied.

"Are you, Rick?" Jim questioned again. "I see what this is doing to you, son, and Katie sees it, too. You aren't sleeping or eating as you should. Katie is worried about you, you know. She told me herself."

"Pardon me for saying so, but that's nonsense, Jim." Castle smiled. "I feel great. I could not be happier that Kate is getting out of here and the last thing she needs to worry about is me. She needs to focus on herself right now."

Jim Beckett sighed and leaned forward with his elbows on his knees.

"She's going to be fine, Rick. You do know that, right?" Jim asked, staring into the younger man's eyes.

The question struck Castle as odd. Of course he knew Kate was going to be fine. He listened to the doctor's words and diagnosis. His brow furrowed and he frowned at him.

"I know, Jim. What is this all about?"

Jim sighed, "When Jo died, I buried myself in taking care of Katie. Well, at first I did. I ignored all the fear and pain that I was feeling by busying myself elsewhere. But at night, when Katie went to sleep, I couldn't close my eyes without seeing the love of my life… the way that they found her. That's when I started drinking."

Jim took a deep a breath and shook his head, "I couldn't sleep without drinking, Rick, and when Kate went back to school, back to her apartment, I couldn't be awake without it either."

"Jim…" Castle began.

"No, just hear me out." Jim held up a hand to stop him, "Someday, soon, Katie will be able to take complete care of herself again and she will become her annoyingly-independent self. When that day comes, I'm afraid that all that pain that you're suppressing is going to come reeling in you."

"Mr. Beckett?" A nurse asked to the waiting room.

Both men were shaking from their conversation and looked up at her.

"Here." Jim replied, standing.

"We're almost ready to release her." She smiled, "I'm afraid we need to get her blood pressure steady first. It's a bit higher than we would like."

"Is that bad?" Castle asked.

"Not necessarily." She smiled, "It could be medication related or stress related. We'll have it sorted out in no time. You can sit with her if you'd like."

The men smiled and returned to Kate's soon-to-be former-hospital room, Castle having more than a little to think about.

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><p>It was early evening by the time the hospital staff liked her vital signs enough to let her go.<p>

"Maybe if they stopped poking me with needles my blood pressure would be better." Kate mumbled for the hundredth time that day.

Castle and Jim loaded her gingerly into her dad's four-door sedan. The transfer from the wheelchair to the backseat had been a breeze compared to the challenge of getting her to sit in the wheelchair in the first place. In the end, Beckett had relented to hospital policy even though she deemed it "unnecessary" and "ridiculous."

Castle played along with her as she argued. He made no comment on either side of the issue. He didn't need Kate to be mad at him even though they both knew she didn't have the strength nor the stamina to walk herself all the way to the car. He simply sat back and chose his battle wisely as she reluctantly sat in the chair while the orderly pushed her along. As it was, she was exhausted anyway. She even fell asleep on his shoulder as her father drove them to his building.

When they reached the loft, they were greeted by Alexis, Martha, Lanie and The Boys in the parking garage. Alexis and Martha were standing in front of an open foldable wheelchair that he had once purchased for a wheelchair basketball game and dug out just for this occasion.

"Kate," He whispered, "We're here."

She grunted, shifted, and hissed at the pull of her stitches before opening her eyes and acknowledging him. With help from Lanie, they managed to get her into the chair and up to the loft with minimal pain.

Alexis and, to some extent, Martha had prepared a meal that they all enjoyed but Castle was fixated on Beckett at all times. He couldn't help but watch her eat, talk, and most importantly, breathe. He noticed every single smile, frown and uncomfortable shift and now he was noticing how she was fading fast. He knew that he wasn't the only one when Jim, Lanie, Ryan, and Esposito all got to their feet and said goodnight. They knew that she needed her rest and that she wouldn't go if they were still there.

Castle looked around the loft for the disposed –of wheelchair but couldn't locate it for the life of him.

"Don't kill me for this." He stated, looking down at her on the couch.

"For what?"

Before she could fully ask the question he bent down and scooped her up into his arms with great care and gentleness. He was acutely aware that one wrong move could cause her pain and that was the last thing he wanted. Though she glared at him as she placed her stronger arm around his neck, he liked to think that she was grateful that she didn't have to walk through her exhaustion.

He reached the master suite off of his office and swung open the door with his hip. He walked to the end of the bed and placed her gently on the pillow-top bed. She looked around for a second before glaring at him again.

"Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't this _your_ room?"

"Well, technically you're both right and wrong." He smiled. "While you're here, it's _your _room but when you're not here it's _my _room."

Kate glared again and shook her head at him, "Castle, I'm not taking your room."

"Sorry, Detective. All of my things are moved into the guest room and all of yours are in here." He gestured around the room. "Plus, there are no stairs that to and from this room that you could potentially injure yourself on and there's a connected bathroom with a HUGE tub."

"Castle…"

"Kate, don't argue about this. You won't win." Castle placed on a face that few had seen but his Daughter and Mother and Beckett backed down.

"As soon as I'm cleared, you get your room back, you hear me?"

"Loud and clear. Now, it's time for bed." He smiled, moving to pull a flannel pajama set from one of the drawers. "I'm told this is your favorite when you're sick."

"How?"

"Lanie and I went to your place to get some stuff." He explained. "Truthfully, she picked out the stuff and I waited on the couch. She said that she would be in big trouble if she let me into your drawers… umm.. so to speak."

Kate let out a small chuckle at his Freudian-slip and immediately regretted the action and hissed in pain. "She would be right and you can't make me laugh yet, ok? It doesn't feel great."

"You got it." He smiled solemnly. "I'm going to miss that laugh though."

"Castle,"

"I know. I'm sorry. I'll just let you get dressed."

Before she could speak anymore he fled from the room and into the hallway. She really wanted to talk to him about the things he'd said, but he kept running away every time she tried. It didn't make any sense.

She struggled to shrug into her night-shirt and pants but was glad when she finally did it successfully. It made her angry that the simplest tasks like dressing herself had become a burden. She moved to the bathroom and found all of her toiletries laid out on the counter. She felt a rush of warmth at the thoughtfulness of her friends; especially Lanie and Castle.

Kate Beckett was exhausted. Her feet refused to move fluently; instead she could only unsteadily shuffle. Her head was pounding, her chest and wound were burning with exertion and pain; all she wanted to do was sleep. When she opened the bathroom door she was met with the sight of Rick Castle sitting on the bed staring at the door and she paused.

He smiled sheepishly at her, "I was going to wait about thirty more seconds before pounding on that door or sending in the cavalry to make sure you were ok."

He offered a smile in return but moved closer and sat next to him. "Don't worry, Castle. If there's anything wrong, you'll be the first to know but right now, I'm just dead tired."

"Don't." He growled, staring her down.

"What?"

"Don't make jokes like that."

She didn't understand what he was upset about until she replayed her own words in her head. She sighed and looked at him.

"Castle, I didn't mean it like that. I'm just exhausted."

"I know." He sighed, calming down. "I guess I'm just a little sensitive on that subject right now."

"Understandable."

And awkward silence hung between them as they sat shoulder to shoulder. Beckett yawned and hissed in pain as the abundant air stretched her repairing lung.

"Ok, time to sleep." Castle said standing. He grabbed the blankets and pulled them back and lifted Kate's legs from the floor and turned her sideways into the mattress.

"Your pills and a glass of water are next to the bed if you're in pain." He told her, switching off the lamp by her head. "If you need anything, I'm going to be in my study for a while, there's a connected door, so just yell."

"Thanks, Castle." She mumbled, eyes closed and already slipping into slumber.

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><p>As soon as Castle meandered into his study and sat down he found himself feeling lost. He grabbed a novel and read about fifty pages before realizing that he hadn't absorbed a single word. He put the book down and walked over to his windows. As he looked down on the city that have given him so much, but was so cruel at times, he marveled at the mystery of it all. He glanced at the door to the adjacent bedroom and sighed again. Beyond that door was the woman that he have devoted the last three years to. Through that time, he could have never imagined that she could fall so hard.<p>

The paramedics told Lanie that she had lost vitals on the way to the hospital and Lanie let it slip while gathering the essentials at Beckett's apartment. Looking out at the darkened city, Castle took a second to actually consider what that meant. Even though, he knew he should have put it far out of his mind, he couldn't help but dwell on the fact that she had actually died. Kate Beckett died. For however long, she stopped living, stopped existing in the present tense.

He gasped and darted toward the door and skidded to a halt at the frame. There she was- sleeping. He nearly wept. Maybe Jim was right, maybe he hadn't really dealt with this yet.

Castle took slow and quiet steps to the chair in the corner of the room and sat down. Maybe if he just watched her for a bit, he would feel better—more normal.

Instead, as the minutes ticked on, he felt the panic in his chest rise as he watched her chest rise and fall. He remembered when he saw the natural motion stop under Lanie's careful hands and the feeling of total despair returns to his memory quickly and he feels it start to swallow him.

Beckett's face is relaxed as she sleeps, lying on her back, but she still had the pallor of someone ill and it scared the life out of him. Being with her at the hospital, he now realized, had been easier on him. There were doctors and nurses and orderlies looking over her there; here, though, it's just him, and he suddenly doesn't feel all that confident. He tried to shake it out of his head and tell himself he was being ridiculous but his own brain doesn't believe him.

Beckett lets out a contented sigh as she sleeps and he thinks that the action alone should be enough to soothe him in the darkness of 3 AM but it does the exact opposite.

For the last three years he had been following and observing her without any real repercussions. A tiny part of him just assumed he was invincible, and she was too. The past three weeks had shaken him to his very core in showing that the opposite was true. In fact, he could be alone right now. He could have lost her in the blink of an eye—or more accurately, a squeeze of a trigger.

He had a fleeting thought that he would have never gotten the chance to tell her that he loved her; to tell her that, though they were never really _together_, that he had loved her for almost three years. He would have never been able to kiss her without ruse, or make love to her, or spend the rest of his days by her side.

Something fiercer than panic swept through him and he physically recoiled. He felt his gut clench, he suddenly broke out in a sweat, and breathing became difficult. He knew this feeling. Richard Castle was going to throw up.

He tried to breathe deeply and close his eyes but he couldn't regain control over his emotions nor his body. He leapt from his arm-chair and bolted into the adjoin bathroom, just in time to empty the limited contents of his stomach and create two nice bruises on his kneecaps from the marble floor.

Castle had only been able to close the door most of the way and hadn't even bothered to flick on the lights in his haste. When the heaving finally relented, he rolled back on his heels, closed the lid, and flushed the toilet.

His body sagged with the release of a ragged sigh. He found himself feeling every bit of the exhaustion and fear he had been fighting and he collapsed against the cool tile of the bathroom wall behind him. Castle tried to breathe through whatever he was feeling but his effort was in vain. Before he could even acknowledge the emotion, he was sobbing into his knees.

He cried for Kate; for the pain she was going through. He cried for Alexis; his poor daughter that had to witness something so senseless and vicious. She had to watch as one of her idols lay dying in her father's arms. He cried for Jim Beckett; having almost lost the biggest part of what was left of his wife as he looked on. He cried for Lanie and the boys; for Montgomery, but mostly he cried for himself. For every time he closed his eyes or blinked, he saw his life without her and it was breaking him.

The sound of the door opening didn't even reach Castle's ears through the sound of his cries. The presence in the room didn't even register until the light turning on sent his body going rigid.

"Kate?" he cleared his throat and swiped at his haggard face. "You need to be sleeping. You shouldn't be moving around alone like this!" he scolded, placing his palms flat on the marble floor beneath him.

Castle stood on shaky legs and placed his hands on her shoulders, guiding her to sit on the closed lid of the toilet.

"You okay?" he asked, looking at her pale face.

She nodded, but rubbed her chest gently as if to take the ache away. She used her other hand to grab onto his tee shirt as he knelt in front of her.

"What happened?"

"Nothing." He shook his head, "Nothing. Let's get you back to bed. I'm just fine."

He tried to get to his feet but, with a sudden burst of surprising strength, she managed to force him back down.

"What. Happened. Castle?" She asked, sounding more like Beckett than she had in weeks.

"Kate, please." He pleaded, looking down to avoid he steady gaze.

"Don't do this, Rick. She spoke, softly. "Don't shut me out. Don't coddle me." She raised his chin with her fingers to his eyes met hers. "Whatever it is, I can handle it. I'm fine."

"Fine!" he spat. "Fine? You're not fine! I'm not fine!" All the rage he had in him came to the surface and he began to pant with the force of it.

"Castle…" Kate's brow furrowed and her ashen face showed vast confusion.

"No, Beckett! Montgomery's dead! You were shot! You almost died, for God's sake." He nearly shouted. "Hell, you _did_ die. Everything is so wrong, Kate; everything." Years began to cloud his vision as he looked at her. "There is someone out there that wants you dead and I… I can't lose you. I can't."

Castle collapsed down on himself. He fell forward from his crouch to his knees and put his head in hands. He was sure that he looked pathetic. He was sure he was sobbing like a child but all he felt was the warmth of his palm on his back, trying to soothe him.

She let him cry for a moment or two before running her weaker free hand through his hair, massaging his scalp gently. She was murmuring words of comfort to him as well as assuring him that she was right there with him.

"Castle…"

The tone of her voice had snapped him straight up. It was laced with pain and was the kind of breathless that sends a shiver of fear down his spine. He assessed her face and saw that she was paler than she was before and had developed a thin sheen of perspiration across her forehead.

"You okay?" he croaked, swiping at his face.

"I think I need…" she started before a bone-rattling cough ripped through her. "I can't sit like this anymore."

"Right." He said standing. "I'm taking you back to bed."

"Bet you use that line on all the girls." She snarked as he lifted her bridal-style.

He chuckled in response and began to walk out of the bathroom. "Wish I was saying that to you under different circumstances."

"mmmm… me too." She replied and she watched amused as his eyes bulged in response. She laughed at his reaction before cringing at the pain it caused. "I thought I told you not to make me laugh, Castle."

He placed her gently on the soft bed and pulled the covers over her once again. "You did that one all on your own, Kate."

He bent down and placed a chaste kiss on her forehead before taking a step away to leave. Her hand grabbing his wrist shocked him and he was sure it was written all over his face.

"I want you to stay, Castle."

"Okay, I'll just sit…" he gestured to the chair but she interrupted him.

"No. You need to sleep." She reasoned. "This bed is huge. You can sleep right here."

"Kate, I don't want to risk hurting you, the chair is fine."

"You won't hurt me, Castle." She spoke and paused. "I'm worried about you, Rick. You're not sleeping. You're barely eating. I'm alive, Castle, and you're acting like I'm not. You look at me like I'm going to disappear, but I can't, I won't."

He didn't have a reply to that. What she was saying was true and he didn't know how to stop himself.

"I want you to stay, Castle."

"Beckett…"

"Get in the damned bed, Rick."

He smiled. That was his Beckett. He walked around to the other side of the bed and pulled back the covers. He slipped his slippers off and slid in. When he settled and looked over, she was staring at him. She gave him a small smile and grabbed his hand beneath the thick covers. He sighed at the comforting contact and gave her hand a squeeze in appreciation.

"Sleep, Rick." She whispered. "We'll figure everything out in the morning. We'll both be here. I promise. Just sleep right now.

And he did.

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><p><strong><em>There you have it. Clickkk it, please? Look at that little thought-bubble. It looks so inviting. Ok, fine, I'm a review-whore. <em>**


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